Turmoil Within My Heart

Ever taken time away from something, and you begin to feel it slipping away?

At times it can be difficult in the pursuit of God. Every now and then you begin to feel yourself slipping into a mundane routine of simply living life in the realm of habit. I, myself, have often found myself in such a state–as I even do at times these days.

It’s an interesting loop I sometimes find myself in–so focused and motivated some days, so incredibly worldly in others. The pursuit of God can be such a whirlwind of emotion, and sometimes it seems so very difficult to be obedient in my walk with Him; and one significant thing I’m beginning to realize, is the truth in all of these things.

I am insufficient, I am sinful and selfish at the core of myself, I do constantly chose comfort over truth, chose a lifestyle that I’m used to, and that I try to maintain control over rather than the one I know for a fact that God calls me to.

But you know what else? Through all of these things, every flaw, every manipulation, every choice of self-comfort and self-glorification I plague myself with day-in and day-out, God has specifically chosen me.

He has specifically pulled me out of my own insufficiency and clothed me in righteousness.

He has helped me see that even though I–in myself–fall short every time, He fulfills every act to its completion–and not only that, to perfection.

So I can proceed in peace, knowing that it is not under my own power that I live, but Christ’s. I can stand in confidence in knowing that as I relinquish control in my life, God will sustain me. As I purge out the distractions, tear away the things that are fighting for time in my life, that God will begin [and continue] to hold His rightful place in my heart and my life.

I can know–with every ounce of boldness and precision–that God is faithful to answer His children. As I lead a life of humility, focused on bringing GOD AND GOD ALONE the glory He deserves, I can proceed in peace knowing that God is in control.

“What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” ~ Romans 8:31

Oh, how many times have I read this verse. How many times have I allowed myself to look over it–mark it in my bible, hear it echoing in the lyrics of songs–and simply allow myself to pass it by as “just another quote to post.”

But something’s different now. in response to our condition–our sinful, fallen nature–Our God has reign in our lives; none can stand against Him. He is the ultimate, ever-powerful, inexhaustible Savior. When God wills for something to happen, it is done. There is no person, no power, no principality in this world which could EVER stand a chance against my God.

And you know what? That’s the beauty of the Gospel. God’s heart is for His children to intimately know Him, for us to be so enraptured by His love, His Holiness, and His character that we cannot help but live differently. When we look at our lives and weigh it in comparison to the lives He calls us to live, we see a massive disparity–but be not discouraged, friend, rather, know that God has already empowered you victory to rise above any temptation, any setback, and any discouragement which may come alone and try to distract you.

Whenever you may get a chance, take a read of 2 Timothy 1:8-14. God has called us to serving Him in this world, we are vessels, able to be used by Him–and in the end it takes our intentional effort to rise up and say “Yes, Lord” [Isaiah 6]; it requires us to release the things of this world we cling so tightly to–our possessions, our comforts, our massive amount of information intake–and begin to allow God to supply us with everything we need.


I understand this post is a little scattered, and may even be edited in the future, but I have not physically written in a while and I feel like there is so much on my heart right now that it’s a little difficult to even get it all out and attempt to formulate it all together.

A couple main things I hope you get from this is:

1) We serve a God who is far more worthy than we live Him out to be.

2) There is not an ounce of strength within us which can accomplish these things apart from God.

–Tullian Tchividjian says it extremely well, “while we are definitely deficient, Christ is more than sufficient.”

3) Once we realize that in our own power we can accomplish nothing, we are free to actively allow what Christ has already done to empower us to proceed in the boldness of living a set apart life in this world for the glory of God.

4) Let us become aware of the strongholds in our lives we have set up which distract us from God.

—This one tugs at me pretty roughly. I have allowed things I am used to–media I watch, songs I listen to, meeting with people–to dictate how my time is spent, rather than getting with God and allowing Him to dictate my time and my life.

5) We are educated far beyond our obedience.

–With what I know, and what God has been putting on my heart, I cannot afford to be a hypocrite. I cannot afford to go about my life the same, now knowing the things I know. When I read The Word, I see people who strove to live a life that made sense in light of the Gospel.

6) In the end, it’s all about God.

–If what we do in this world draws the attention on to us, it is our responsibility to reflect it to the King. He is our purpose, our fulfillment, and our joy. Nothing compares to the life that is found in Him, and if we come to the end of it without giving Him every bit of glory in the things we do and the way we live, we will have missed it.


God has equipped us. He promises to sustain us, guide us, show us the way, and provide everything we need along the way.

Are you willing to walk in obedience, regardless of the risk, regardless of how crazy it may sound?

Are you willing to lay down your life, as you see it, and allow Christ to make your paths straight?

Are you willing to become isolated, if that’s what it takes to be obedient to God’s using you?

Are you willing to say “yes, Lord” before you even know what He is going to ask of you, because you know in the end, He works everything together in perfection, completion, and fulfillment?

Are you willing to answer the call that God is crying out to you?


Again, I apologize for all these tangents, but I feel like in some small way God will use this. I don’t care if but one person ever reads this, I am confident that my God is able to use anything–even a pieced-together, jumbled up blogpost from a simple Christ follower in Reno, Nevada–to stir up His mission and to be a voice within the darkness.

I pray that we will get with God, and we will not hesitate to ask Him to expose us before Him. “Test me, O LORD, and try me, examine my heart and my mind” [Psalm 26:2, NIV]. Asking this holds a lot of implications, and God is gracious to respond to them. Our God will answer us, but in the end we must be willing to relinquish control of our lives in order to be refined by our Lord.


A life of obedience awaits us, a life of endless joy, satisfaction, pleasure, happiness, trial, suffering, pain, isolation, but fulfillment, compassion, unexplainable happenings, endless peace, and ultimate glorification–but it takes us to be willing to have the rug pulled from under us to do so.

Our lives may be shaken, our relationships re-ordered, our possessions made nothing, but our joy will be made full, and God will be made much of.

My prayer is that we will respond to whatever God is doing in our hearts in this time–may He have full reign in our lives and may we long to live and walk in obedience to Him, whatever the cost; whenever, wherever, however, and to whomever He is calling us.


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